Tip: Don't Ever Do This

This post was going to be a public service announcement about a common (I thought) danger one encounters in the cake-decorating industry. But then I ransacked Google to find a photo of said danger to go with the post, and realized that, judging from the lack of pictures, I am the only one that this happens to. I've managed to do it several times now, though, so I'll just tell you about the most hilarious incident and remind you to Please Don't Ever Do This:


This story takes place in one of the many bakeries I have worked in over the years. I had been there for over a year at the time of the incident, and had managed to gain some seniority, to the point where I was actually (heavens) entrusted with the job of supervising the newest bakery recruit. This was actually pretty easy, since she was out on a cake delivery and the only supervising I had to do was making sure the map for her next delivery was available when she returned.

Now, it was a Saturday, one of those Too Many Weddings To Name days, and as happens on these types of days, everything had gone wrong. "Everything" included the fact that, due to a clerical error, one of our most important and expensive wedding cake stands had disappeared, and a bride was expecting to have it appear at her reception hall in just a few hours, trimmed in a beautiful silver ribbon that was most likely residing in the same limbo that the cake stand was in.

Thusly, I was occupying my time with trying to Macgyver one of our other stands into resembling something similar to the masterpiece the woman expected. I was doing this by attempting to staple satin cake-trimming ribbon into sturdy bands tight enough to cling to the stand I did have to work with. By the way, this doesn't work. Satin and staples do not like each other (satin also dislikes tape, stickytack and idle threats). By the time New Girl returned, I had resorted to pinning the ribbon to the stand with Canada Day pins we had left over from a few months before, and just hoping no one would notice the little maple leaf flags holding up the ribbon.

I tell you this to indicate that I was already mostly crazy at this point. All I was trying to do was make an icing bag for New Girl to take with her in case she needed to do any touch-ups on the cake when she arrived. Now, take a look at the icing tip at the top of this post. See those treacherous-looking teeth? It's not that hard to believe someone would accidentally jab their finger in there, right?

The wider, smooth end of that tip looks so unassuming. Inviting, even. It's really just a trap, though. Push that tip a bit too hard and suddenly your finger slips in and it's coming out the pointy end and those little teeth dig in so you can't pull it back out, and of course you're the only one in the bakery at that point and the only thing you'll have on you is a pair of tweezers so you're trying to very gently pry the metal teeth out of your flesh and praying that no customers come in because how will you explain THIS one to them, when the door opens, and in walks New Girl, and you're supposed to be her supervisor, so you hide your hand under the counter and start giving her directions to her next delivery location and then you forget about your predicament and point in the direction she has to drive in with your icing-tip finger and she sees it and says "Oh my GOD what is THAT?".

So then you try to turn it into a learning experience for her, like, 'by the way, it's really easy to get your finger caught in one of these, even if you're a seasoned cake decorator and you've worked in this bakery for over a year, so watch out! Now help me pry this thing out of my flesh.' You'll also pretend this is the first time this has ever happened to you and you're surprised as she is. But it will be a lie.

And the entire time, in the back of your head, you know, just know, that New Girl is not the sort to ever get her finger caught in a piping tip, nor is anyone else in the world, this is just one of your own personal demons you'll have to vanquish, or maybe you'll just be known as Amy Icing Tip Fingers from now on, and that will be okay.

Sigh. So be warned. Don't ever do that.

 Alright, I found one other person in the world who has done this. A blogger, like myself. Apparently these traits go together (blogging and finger-jabbing). And I shamelessly stole her photo. Thank you to Blogging Over Thyme for showing me I'm not alone in this world. And SHE had to enlist the help of an entire auto repair shop to get the thing off, so I got off easy. I was able to escape by using a pair of expensive decorator's tweezers to bend the metal teeth away from me and then slip out. No heavy machinery required.