I’m back! Finally. In the weeks I’ve been gone (from this
blog, not from life in general), I’ve learned some important things about my
character. For instance, the side-effects of being done school include an
aversion to cell phones and a sudden determination to run a marathon but also
eat cake every day.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Things I actually DID learn in elementary school
I tend to be a bit hard on my childhood education, based on the few elementary school lessons where I was told men have less ribs than women because that's how God created Eve, or that time I realized my 5th grade teacher was illiterate. However, my school did teach me several valuable lessons.
For instance, when I was in 4th grade, one day, we all came to school and our classroom had been transformed into a room on the Titanic. By that I mean there were portholes and a flotation device with HMS Titanic on it, not, you know, that the room had hit an iceberg and was filling with water (though I'm pretty sure we pretended it had at one point). We spent the next few weeks learning about that ill-fated ship--we learned morse code*, the names and intimate details of several of the passengers on board**. But there was one fact I learned that I really took for granted, and that was this: the Titanic was an actual ship. Apparently that is not common knowledge:***
Then there was the day, also in 4th grade (it was a good year), when we came in and the room was all covered in police tape and there was a chalk outline on the floor, and our teacher read us the report of the early-morning crime, which involved someone being assaulted with a spoon (they lived. The chalk outline was a bit misleading). From this I learned about police reports, and how to draw a really nice mugshot, which I'm sure will serve me well in the future.
4th grade was also the year I learned what ramparts are, what a gauntlet is, how to make stained glass cookies, and that not everyone would respect my aversion to gutting pumpkins. 4th grade is NOT the year I got over my aversion to gutting pumpkins, but I did learn to be on guard at all times, in case someone (such as my teacher) would force me to come in contact with raw pumpkin guts during a pumpkin carving contest or any other time when pumpkins are around.
*which I promptly forgot
**Like Molly Brown, whom everyone remembers, and that guy who wouldn't pull his wife back onto the lifeboat, whom everyone has forgotten.
***Alright alright, I'm sure some of them are trolling.
For instance, when I was in 4th grade, one day, we all came to school and our classroom had been transformed into a room on the Titanic. By that I mean there were portholes and a flotation device with HMS Titanic on it, not, you know, that the room had hit an iceberg and was filling with water (though I'm pretty sure we pretended it had at one point). We spent the next few weeks learning about that ill-fated ship--we learned morse code*, the names and intimate details of several of the passengers on board**. But there was one fact I learned that I really took for granted, and that was this: the Titanic was an actual ship. Apparently that is not common knowledge:***
Then there was the day, also in 4th grade (it was a good year), when we came in and the room was all covered in police tape and there was a chalk outline on the floor, and our teacher read us the report of the early-morning crime, which involved someone being assaulted with a spoon (they lived. The chalk outline was a bit misleading). From this I learned about police reports, and how to draw a really nice mugshot, which I'm sure will serve me well in the future.
4th grade was also the year I learned what ramparts are, what a gauntlet is, how to make stained glass cookies, and that not everyone would respect my aversion to gutting pumpkins. 4th grade is NOT the year I got over my aversion to gutting pumpkins, but I did learn to be on guard at all times, in case someone (such as my teacher) would force me to come in contact with raw pumpkin guts during a pumpkin carving contest or any other time when pumpkins are around.
*which I promptly forgot
**Like Molly Brown, whom everyone remembers, and that guy who wouldn't pull his wife back onto the lifeboat, whom everyone has forgotten.
***Alright alright, I'm sure some of them are trolling.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Random Wednesdays...
I've been having kind of a strange week and it appears I'm not the only one. For instance, this afternoon I observed the awkward end of what I can imagine was supposed to be a romantic gesture, when a young woman, who was being chauffeured down the sidewalk perched on the handlebars of her date's bike, suddenly discovered that one of the handle breaks had torn through the seat of her sweats and lodged itself in a tangle of torn cotton-spandex threads. It took them forever to find a way of getting her untangled without them both falling over. I walked very slowly so as to see her triumphant escape. Luckily, she handled it pretty graciously.
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