Tip: Don't Ever Do This

This post was going to be a public service announcement about a common (I thought) danger one encounters in the cake-decorating industry. But then I ransacked Google to find a photo of said danger to go with the post, and realized that, judging from the lack of pictures, I am the only one that this happens to. I've managed to do it several times now, though, so I'll just tell you about the most hilarious incident and remind you to Please Don't Ever Do This:

The Cynic's Dream

Bronner's Soap quote of the day: "Only hard work-God's Law can save us, but if we teach only our clan? We're all hated then!"* And now, on to the post!

I'm preparing to enter the final year for my Bachelor's of English Lit. This makes me qualified to discuss 3 things:
1) English Literature
2) the fact that, for the last time, I don't want to be a teacher, for fuck's sake**
3) the fact that I am excited to take my $21,000 worth of education and put it to good use in a restaurant somewhere.****

Inexplicable and Pointless Daily Trends

There is always a strange and inexplicable daily trend 'rhythm' to the bakery*. I mean, customer-wise. I can usually pick up on the rhythm an hour or two into my shift. There will be a day when everyone is really excited about vanilla cupcakes with mocha icing. Each person who comes in will buy at least two vanilla-mocha cupcakes, which is weird, because they're generally not that popular. Or it will be Chocolate Lemon day, which is even weirder. Call me crazy, but chocolate and lemon have never really struck me as a winning combination**. Or it will be the day when everyone wants to place an order for mini cupcakes with blue icing. Today is 'customers asking for 6 cupcakes and then only ordering 5 and not being able to count and then being surprised when I tell them they have to choose a sixth one, and then making me choose it for them' day.

The most annoying daily trend was a couple weeks ago, when every other customer who phoned us asked me point-blank if our cake was made from a mix. Maybe non-bakery people don't realize how rude that question is. It's like asking someone if their breasts are fake. Even if you think there's no possible way that anything that full and perfectly round could be natural, you don't just come right out and ask if they're fake. You give the person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were just blessed with a better leavening agent than you! Then you get to experience a sad feeling of inadequacy because your sad little cakes will never compare to ours.

I do wonder what causes these trends, though. It must be some sort of sinister conspiracy. But who is behind this mistifying criminal plan?


*Blah blah blah if you want to find a pattern, you'll always find one blah blah blah I know.

**though the Espresso-Lemon Roulades at my old bakery job were even stranger. Lemon and coffee. Lemon and coffee? I never tried one, so I guess I can't judge. But I think I will anyway. Lemon and coffee. Really?