After a short conversation with a friend of mine where we exchanged a combo of Pride and Prejudice quotes and dating advice, I realized that a Jane Austen dating guide post was long overdue*. I am sure those of you who did not grow up on the BBC's P&P mini-series and who do NOT collapse in a fit of giggles if someone says 'All the Officers!' will find this guide especially helpful, because I can only assume you will take it even more seriously. And so, without further ado, I bring you
Jane Austen's 5 Simple Rules to Marrying a Millionaire
1) Look Hot--In the Classical sense.
Ensure that you were blessed with fine eyes, a handsome figure, and enough charm to distract any millionaires in the vicinity from noticing any uncomfortably awkward family members you may have stowed about your person.
2) Avoid Any Efforts to Continue Looking Hot (in the classical sense)
If you are to visit your millionaire, ensure you arrive at his mansion covered in mud. Spend the entire day in a sick room with your sweat-soaked, feverish sister.
3) Never Let the Bastards Get You Down
When your chosen millionaire insults you, laugh good naturedly and perform complex multi-step dances with other men all evening. It will drive him absolutely wild.
4) Use the Sneak Attack
If your millionaire lives in a large estate several days' journey from your house, ensure you show up when he is not around and spend the day having the maid tell you stories about his childhood. When your millionaire appears, drenched in pond water and dressed in the clothes he inexplicably decided to go swimming in, be graciously upset that he has returned home early enough to catch you in the act of admiring his splendid house. If he is the right sort of man for you, he will not be surprised to find you lurking in his house gazing at oil paintings of him as a young man. Instead of accusing you of stalking him, he will apologize for his early arrival and invite your uncle to come fishing in the back yard whenever he likes.
5) If all else fails, be rude to his Great-Aunt
A sure-fire way to get that marriage proposal you've been waiting for is to meet his Great Aunt in a patch of prettyish-looking wilderness and refuse to tell her that he has not actually proposed to you yet. Try it. It's sure to work wonders on even the most commitment-phobic of rich young bachelors!
*No, I don't want to know how many people else beat me to the punch here; I want you to appreciate the charming level of wit with which I dispense advice I am not qualified to give out.
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