My Cat Smells like Disturbing Memories

Way back in grade 12 Biology class, I had the great pleasure of dissecting a baby shark with my soon-to-be-ex-friend Bobby. The shark was about the size of a small cat and smelled strongly of raw fish and embalming fluid*, and Bobby and I were assigned the job of dissecting the sharkling's head. Bonus points for getting the brain out intact.

So we started hacking away at the thing. I don't remember the flesh-rendering process but suddenly we were looking at the shark's skull, with yellowy strings of shark-nerves** protruding out from the springy bone mass. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure now whether Bobby was as determined to get that brain out as I was, but at the time I believed it was our collective dream and I was set on making it a reality. I bravely attacked the skull with my scalpel, chipping away at the stubborn surface with wild abandon. My abandon was so wild that I barely noticed that the chips of skull-shrapnel were zinging in the direction of Bobby's own face, until one notably large piece of shark skull, complete with shreds of nerve-endings, landed in his mouth. At which point he took over the skull dissection and I sat and watched. And you know, it's funny, we managed to remain friends for nearly a year after that incident.

I haven't thought of that incident for a very long time. I thought of it today, though. Remember my cat? The gross one whom I love theoretically? The balding one with the flea allergy, over-active shedding issues, and excessive dandruff? Well, last week I finally decided to stop complaining about Capu's disgusting maladies and do something about them. So I went to the pet store and bought an amazing shedding brush (this one seems to be more in the family of a garden rake than of a hair-brush) and a bottle of "Catch of the Day Alaskan Salmon Oil" which will "contribute to better skin and coat along with healthy joints." I have been raking and oiling my cats for a week now and I will admit, Capu doesn't seem quite as disgusting as he used to.

One unfortunate side-effect of this fish oil is that now my cats both have fish breath, which smells remarkably like that baby shark I dissected with poor Bobby. Now I must decide which I prefer: ugly flakey cats who smell like cat-food, or shiny flake-free cats who smell like disturbing memories and bad hand-eye coordination. I may never be able to sort this one out.


*This of course is just a theory. I have at least managed to block the memory of which chemical was used to preserve the shark babies; I know not the name, but the scent only.

**or something