Things I have learned this month

No cause for ceremony or explanation there. Things I have learned this month:

1) Don't blog about the hilarious time you met a drunken stranger dressed up as a zombie stripper, if you later realize you want to be friends with said drunk zombie stripper and then have to pretend she wasn't the main focus of your blog this month.


2) If you host a last-minute Halloween party and invite all your intellectual friends to it, don't be surprised when you wake up and find browser tabs opened to, in no particular order: Lloyd Axworthy's Biography, a Google image search of severe cases of Hydrocephalus, the latest Doghouse Diaries comic, and a Youtube clip of Gilbert Gottfried doing a dramatic reading of 50 Shades of Gray (and if you know what the book is about, you'll already know to please not Google it during work hours).

3) Mason jars are fun to drink out of but not fun to wash 2-day-old red wine stains out of.

4) The minimum required postage to send a book to BC is $12.60, even if the book was crap and weighs less than the can of crushed tomatoes you used as a balast to figure out how much the package should cost.

4 b) Don't sell your friends' books online, even if you are under the impression you were given said books for free, because it's difficult to explain why they've mysteriously started disappearing from your bookshelf and reappearing in BC instead of in the bookshelves of the friends who first gave you said literature.

5) Don't leave your leather wallet in an apartment with a bored, lonely cat who thinks it's a dog, even if the apartment is in Calgary and you'll only be there for a few days.

6) Don't come home from Calgary and drunkenly announce at a Halloween party that you're moving to Calgary when you are dressed as a witch and barely have enough cash to cover bus fare for the next month, because all your friends will take it much more seriously than you will (even with the witch's hat), and promise to refuse to visit you there ever, because apparently everyone in the city hates Calgary.

7) But consider moving to Calgary anyway.

8) Even if everyone around you decides they'd rather start a commune in Churchill and hang out with Polar Bears that can scale 5-meter-high stone walls.

And that was my October.