What to Blog About When There's Nothing To Blog About

I am writing this post at the demand request of C, who is apparently willing to read a blog about absolutely nothing (provided that it's written by me, of course. Such devotion.). I hope you all are, too, because here it is.

At times, a blogger might discover that she has nothing to blog about. This is a very bad sign, because, in general, those who blog really have nothing better to do, which means that they are already blogging about nothing. If even a blogger doesn't find her life interesting enough to blog about (and this coming from someone who's written posts about how many mugs she has on her desk), reader beware: you're in for some truly awful writing.

In case you are the unfortunate blogger who does, for one reason or another, find herself with nothing to write about, fear not*: I have compiled the following emergency blogging list just for you.


Amy's List of What to Blog About When There's Nothing To Blog About

1) Blisters.
If your life is boring, this probably means that you are working too hard at some pathetic and mindless occupation. Whether you're treking around the office in your Payless high-heels, running around the University in your brother's 3-year-old sandals, or crawling around on your hands and knees in your house because you left a mountain of half-eaten tins of tuna in your closet last spring and now it's time to exorcise them, chances are your reason for lack of blog-worthy stories is taking its toll on your skin. Why not pen a post about your favourite blisters? I bet everyone wants to hear about the fluid-filled bubble on your left toe that whistles when you squeeze it in the right way.
2) Cats
One might argue that if you have cats, you will never have nothing to write about. As I revealed in my Apology to Capu last year, no matter how ugly, scabbed up, whiny, and snotty an animal is, if it has whiskers, 2 ears and a tail, someone will want to read about it.
3) Your pile of dirty dishes
Yes, it's been done before (and better than you'll ever manage it, since it was done by me), but hey! There's nothing new under the sun! Just because I rocked the world with my post on my coffee mugs and what was inside them (don't worry, I won't link you to it, as it is now out of print; I'm sure you've printed it out and hung it on your wall somewhere anyway) doesn't mean that you can't make a sub-par commentary on your stack of soup plates, or wine glasses, or the pile of greasy newspapers you eat your daily dose of scrambled eggs and pizza off of.
4) Your brother's pile of dirty dishes
I have found that anything I can do, my brother can do in a more extreme and entertaining way. I have 5 empty vanilla bottles on my shelf? He has 96 empty energy drink cans on his shelf. I go to a party to knit sweaters and make puzzles? He goes to a party on an airplane runway and makes a video of himself dancing in time to the flashes of the landing lights...and then makes a perogi-based salad. I'm sure that if I have a desk full of half-full cups of coffee, B has a helicopter landing pad poured on our roof that is entirely dedicated to his collection of half-empty cereal bowls. And if B's like that, I'm sure your brother is...at least slightly more interesting than you. So go ahead, put on a gas mask, and start searching your roofs for piles of dirty plates. Sometimes you have to work to get a good blog post.

There you go. If you need more than 4 marvelous suggestions from a prolific master-blogger such as myself, it's time to shut down the blog and start a feline daycare service instead (which will, in turn, lead to an amazing blog, so there you go, suggestion number 5. You're welcome).



*Please note that I say writers fear not; as I mentioned before, this is a bad time for readers. My thoughts are with you.