This is what I do all day...

I feel I have dazzled you with my wits long enough, so today I will dazzle you with my day-job skillz instead. I am now famous for my ability to draw tiny little cartoon faces out of chocolate and put them on cupcakes. It's all just tracing, but when people look at it they say "wow" and when I tell them how I do it they look at my blankly like I'm trying to explain how to replace the a-v joints on a steering column*.

So annywayys admire my handywork.



First, I find a suitable picture and I put it beneath a sheet of parchment paper. Then I trace it out of chocolate. Tadaa.

 Then, I fill it in with varying colours of chocolate, starting with the delicate features, like the whites of the eyes, which I have horribly mangled in this shot which is why I didn't end up using it (that usually only ends up happening when I try to work a camera with one hand and a tiny piping bag of melted chocolate with the other).

I then glob on the filler colours in nice thick sections so that the face doesn't snap in half when I pick it up, as you can see from this face that is entirely not the face I was working on before, as I accidentally turned Shaggy into a cyclops in the last shot.

Then, I flip all the chocolates over and they look vaguely like the characters from Scooby Doo and are amazingly beautiful, except for poor Velma because I screwed up her buck-teeth, which isn't saying much because she got the short end of the stick with those buck-teeth and a name like Velma to begin with.

 Then, I put these disembodied faces on top of cupcakes, so that hundreds of screaming and appreciative children can pretend to decapitate characters from their favourite t.v. shows while they party.

Then, I charge the parents $70 for 24 cupcakes (not pictured). Then, I visit my chiropractor to find out if I have dislocated my thumb yet from squeezing tiny little piping bags of chocolate icing for several hours of the day**. Then, I promise my boss to try not to get stabbed when I leave, because these are rough times we're living in right now.

And there you have it, a day in the life of a master decorator.

*which is understandable since I'm pretty sure that there is no such thing as a-v joints, and if there is, they most definitely don't go on a steering column.

**I'm sure that there is a special Icer's Grip that you learn in special decorating schools that would prevent the less fortunates of the world from dislocating their thumbs whilst making miniature replicas of Shaggy's face, but I don't feel like spending the money to find out, so I am resigned to the eventual loss of both my thumbs.