Things I have learned this month

No cause for ceremony or explanation there. Things I have learned this month:

1) Don't blog about the hilarious time you met a drunken stranger dressed up as a zombie stripper, if you later realize you want to be friends with said drunk zombie stripper and then have to pretend she wasn't the main focus of your blog this month.

I'm not Undead yet, either! (More on that to follow)

I was walking back to the Village from a church celebration on a Saturday night during the zombie apocalypse, wondering how far the undead minions had spread from their original nest on Osborne, when I suddenly ran into one. It was a darkened street corner just before River intersects with More of River to become a 5-lane death street, and there was a six-foot-tall creature of the undead who may have been a schoolgirl or a stripper or a schoolgirl stripper in a past life, calmly wandering across River in her stiletto boots, waving down cars.

She was playing the part of a zombie (unfocused eyes, inability to stand straight, walk straight, or speak straight) so well that I was at first a bit afraid of her, and elected to remain on the other side of the street, but soon she was lurching towards me, until we were both on the corner of the 5-lane death street, and I was cowering against a lamp post and asking her to please not eat my brain.

I'm not dead yet! (more on that to follow)

It stands to reason that as soon as I commit to blogging on a weekly basis I'll disappear from the blogosphere for 2 1/2 months with no explanation or hint as to when I will return.

Where have I been, you ask? Having a grand adventure, you hope? But of course! The grand adventure began when I suddenly found myself in possession of a lease on an apartment, right after committing myself to being a deadbeat basement-dweller in my parents' house indefinitely. Oh, life.

Tip: Don't Ever Do This

This post was going to be a public service announcement about a common (I thought) danger one encounters in the cake-decorating industry. But then I ransacked Google to find a photo of said danger to go with the post, and realized that, judging from the lack of pictures, I am the only one that this happens to. I've managed to do it several times now, though, so I'll just tell you about the most hilarious incident and remind you to Please Don't Ever Do This:

The day my breakfast nearly destroyed the world

I have this ambition that some day soon I will move out of my rent-free bedroom in my parents' house and suddenly 90% of my income will be devoted to rent, groceries, student loans, and the essentials to make me feel better about the fact that I'm broke all the time (such as brightly coloured hair dye). And maybe I'll put the last 10% into a savings account, if I'm smart. In order to prepare for this moment, I've been trying to train myself to be broke all the time already, by giving 90% of my income to my student loans officers and clinging to the rest like my life depends on it*.

This Weekend I Will be Girl Who Didn't Think That Decision Through Fully

I ended up at the all-famous Folk Fest for about 12 hours this weekend. I hadn't been to Folk Fest in eight years, as summer is a time when I am constantly broke anyway and if I'm spending money on anything (other than booze) it's the Fringe Fest, not the Folk one. But I have a friend who has this bewildering talent for winning to tickets for things, and I am all for the cheap and the free, which is how I ended up barefoot in a park wearing a dress made out of scarves at 10am on a Sunday morning.

Birthday State of Mind

Wow I'm really terrible at updating this thing. But that's alright, because, as I have made clear from my last better-late-than-never post, June is essentially a series of parties interrupted periodically by work. And what sort of party involves a cake turntable, martini shaker, fancy necklace, ball-peen hammer and eleven-pound anvil? The best kind of party (that would be mine).

In my household, we try to make birthday gifts useful and personalized. The cake turntable says "I see you've been trapped in the bakery business for so long you have developed Stockholm Syndrome and want nothing more than to decorate cake in your spare time as well" (true fact. I requested this item specifically, so if anyone wants a cake with a really smooth finish you know who to call). The fancy necklace says "I see you are a classy lady". The cocktail shaker says "I see you are a classy lady who knows what vermouth is", and the anvil says "I see you are a classy lady who needs to smash things".

And it's only Tuesday. Just wait and see what it will be like by Saturday, when I have actually unwrapped and used all these gifts. Okay, so I might be sitting here draped in necklaces with a martini glass in each hand, deciding whether to spin or smash the rest of my birthday cake. But again, it's only Tuesday.

Happy birthday to me!